There's Gold Out There

With gold (the pure stuff) now more than $1,000 an ounce, it seemed a propitious time to unload the family jewels that have become broken, twisted or gnarly. We found one piece that fit the description - a necklace I bought for Jo about 10 years back that had a kink it which made it impossible to wear without catching on clothing.
The ads have sprung up in the local rag, encouraging us to unload old gold. So we stopped by the local greasy pawn shop with the sign inviting us in. While Jo stood in line with people who were trying to sell their DVDs or tools, I wandered the shelves and found garbage electronics that were priced just below what you could buy them for at Wal-Mart.
She got to the head of the line and the guy with the magnifying glass weighed the necklace and told it it was worth $75. We thanked him and left.
We then drove to the upscale city of Sarasota to the south. There, a chap named Abraham from New York had set up his salon in a hotel room. He ate a kosher pickle and a sandwich as he weighed and negotiated with the old folks.
All types were lined up with us: dowagers, a little down at heel, but still keeping up appearances; an old man with a cap that announced he was an "Old Fart"; his wife who wore a St. Patrick's Day T-shirt that announced "I got lucky on St. Paddy's Day 1994". There was a young woman sitting next to me. The line moved slowly and eventually we were in the hotel room.
Abraham eyed the necklace, looked at it through his loupe and announced "14 carat" before dropping it on the scale. It weighed a quarter of an ounce, though he described the weight in pennyweights. He calculated and announced the best he could do would be $132. Better than $75 from the greaseballs.
I asked why he couldn't so better since gold was $1,000 an ounce. He checked with the sheriff's deputy who stood guard. The deputy dialed his phone to check the up-to-the-minute price of 24 carat gold: $1,009.50, he announced.
Abraham started to wheedle about how the weight of the spring in the clasp was included in his weight even though it was not gold. We decided to take the offer.
We made our way to Wal-Mart and did our week's grocery shopping. The bill: $135. So we got a week's groceries for "free".