Life in the Park

Jo and I enjoy the peace of a perfect evening on the beach at Honeymoon Island State Park.

The good news is that I get to mount my electric cart and go for spins around our park in silent splendor. The cart can achieve speeds of 26 miles an hour. It’s called a GEM-el and it allows me to troll around the 4.5 miles of beaches. The bad news is I have to empty the trash barrels which are often too disgusting for words.

I also have come to the conclusion, sorry ladies, that women are intrinsically messier than men. So why would I make this sexist statement? Because I see it with my own eyes EVERY day. The women’s bathrooms are always twice as dirty as the men’s bathrooms, for example. I shout as I enter: “Maintenance. Anyone here?” “Yes,” comes a female voice. I stand on the deck of the bathhouse, overlooking the perfect water, enjoying the view. Out she comes after a minute or so. I go in and string up my chain, cutting off half the female bathhouse while I go through the stalls. Always I find toilet paper thrown on the floor and the toilets unflushed in the women’s section. Rarely do I find this in the men’s section.

And the little container for used tampons and pads in each stall: well, that’s another story. Ladies: Please be sure to drop these used items into the supplied container. When you don’t do that, I have to pick them up in my gloved hand. Disgusting.

Hardly a day goes by without my finding a pair of underwear in the stalls. What is that about! Get it together ladies!

Happily, I now have only one set of bathrooms to clean. My first weekend on the job, I had to do all four bath houses. I came home sagging and dispirited. Something told me this was a test by the rangers to see how I could stand up to the overload. I told them I was not a happy camper having to clean so much mess and they backed off and said I was supposed to clean only one bath house.

Best job: Definitely cutting the grass in the picnic area in the early morning once a week. I have access to an enormous 60-inch Gravely grass cutter. It is a monster machine that is very finely tuned to turn within its own length. Lots of fun cutting great swaths of grass and spinning around the palm trees and park benches in the early morning before the searing sun begins to cook. Not only do I use ear protection, but I also have a helmet and visor to protect my eyes from flying debris.

Jo has mastered the computer at the tollbooth. There are about 80 keys on it for every possible permutation of visitor: Walk-in, person in a car, Car with up to 8 people, military pass, annual pass, family pass, active duty military, and freebies, and a handful of others.

The best part of the day, however, is when our work is done and we have the park to ourselves. All the visitors go home at 8:10 p.m. (current sunset). It is us and the birds and the fiddler crabs, maybe a pod of dolphins frolicking in the Gulf, and the constant, soothing sighing of the waves washing against the shore. Bliss.

A man happy in his work.